I like to think that most people under this sun would like to live in a world where we all get along well and there would be no war. But… how is it possible??? Thinking globally, we have so many cultures with so many different values in this amazing world of ours. How can we all get along with no judgment? How can we live with full acceptance? How can we live and let live? What about in our own country? Can we live in peace? The answer seems to be “no.” We just have to think about election time. How the parties’ candidates attack each other. So many times, there is no respect for the other person’s opinion or ideas. We seem to have a hard time accepting that other people think differently than us. What about in our community? It is not much different than our nation. What about our extended family? Our nuclear family? And if you are a human being who lives with other human beings, the answer will be “no” too! There are families who get along better than others, but there is not one single family who will have everybody on the same page and with no conflicts. Can I go one step further? What about you with yourself? How peaceful are you with who you are and what you do? Again, if you are a human being, you will have inner conflicts too. People usually say that “we are our worse enemy.” We have difficulties even accepting who we are. Whether it is about our physical body (e.g., how much we weigh, how tall we are, the colour of our skin, the size of our nose) or our skills or what we say that we shouldn’t have said, or what we should or should not do, we are so harsh on ourselves. If we are unable to live in peace with ourselves, how on earth can we have world peace?!?!?
Would you like world peace? Then, to use Michael Jackson’s words, “…start with the [person] in the mirror.” I would like to invite you to begin world peace within. How? By learning to accept your flaws and your mistakes; by accepting 100% of who you are. Acceptance does not mean that you will stop growing as a person or trying to look better or anything else we are looking to improve or change. For example, we can apologize if we hurt somebody, or we can change our lifestyle if we feel we are not functioning as well as we could. However, we do all that with compassion, love, and respect for ourselves. I do not know where I heard this, but someone said something like this … “a criminal commits a crime, s/he is judged, goes to prison, pay his/her time and the crime is forgiven/forgot. Many of us make a mistake and it does not matter how long ago it happened or whether we atoned for it, we continue to punish ourselves.” We also need to learn how to forgive ourselves. To let it go.
I like using SoulCollage® to explore those parts that get in my way. SoulCollage® is a creative collage process where people make their own decks of collaged cards for their personal use. We collect images found in magazines, calendars, books, and cards; we glue it to a background that captures the mood we want; and then, we begin to ask questions. These questions help us learn about all our parts. Through SoulCollage®, we begin to learn and understand why these parts are there; their purpose/function. Most of us have many parts that we do not like, some we want to ignore and other than we simply hate. However, there are no bad parts. Richard Schwartz (the person who developed the Internal Family System) wrote the book “No Bad Parts: Healing Trauma and Restoring Wholeness with the Internal Family Systems Model” (Richard Schwartz Ph.D. and Alanis Morissette - Jul 6, 2021). In it, he argues that every part of us is there for a purpose. They are there to protect us and keep us safe.
What about some of the parts that somehow hurt us, but they are supposed to be “good”? For example, the pleaser, the good girl/boy, the perfectionist. Why are they there? Answer: to protect and keep us safe. That will be the answer for every single part of us. No part is there to damage us or make us miserable, albeit some seem to do just that. Even when we have a part that is mean to us, its purpose is still to protect and keep us safe. On the last blog post, I shared with you about my inner critic. Despite its harshness, it was trying to protect me. When we begin to explore our internal family, we will get a better understanding of why we behave the way we do and, hopefully, we will be able to be more compassionated and happier with who we are. By exploring them, you will learn what is happening there.
I would like to invite you to begin to explore your parts. Start by listing your parts, from the ones you like to the ones you despise and all the parts in between. Then, begin to wonder/be curious about which parts are you going to start exploring? Try being aware when the part comes to the surface. That is, when do you feel that that part is acting on your behalf (e.g., agreeing to do something that you shouldn’t – people pleaser). Begin to explore, why is this part here? What is it trying to accomplish? Is there a part that gets in your way either by making you afraid or hesitant to try something new or to change something that is not working for you? Is there a part that keeps holding you back? Some parts that you may begin to explore are the inner critic, the perfectionist, the hater, the impatient, the judge, the know-it-all, the pleaser, the “I don’t need help”, to name just a few. By getting to know each of our parts, we begin to appreciate them because we understand them better and we can have more compassion towards them. By getting to know these parts, we transform them into allies, we begin to accept and appreciate who we are and live more at peace with ourselves.
So, what does this have to do with world peace? As we get to know and understand why our challenging parts are there, we are likely to appreciate (or at least wonder) why other people behave the way they do. If all of us can begin to be kind to ourselves maybe one day we will achieve world peace as we will be more likely to be tolerant and compassionated not only towards ourselves, but also to everybody else – even those people that today would drive us bananas. So…How are you going to contribute to world peace? Remember: each tiny step counts!
I saw this quote the other day and thought it fits perfectly with this article!
“When you are transformed the world will be transformed. For you are the world and the world is you.”
-Gospel of Mary Magdalene
Starting next post, I will talk in more detail about SoulCollage®. First, I will give you an introduction to SoulCollage® and how to make cards. Then, I will discuss the suits (SoulCollage® has 4), starting with the Committee Suit. The Committee suit is made up of cards that represent aspects of our own personality and all the other little pieces that make us who we are. As we begin to work with the images, we begin a wonderful exploration of who we are and how we got there. Until then, be kind to yourself!